We’ve all heard this term get tousled around our entire lives. “I love you unconditionally”. I dare say that statement cannot be truthfully uttered unless that person is a parent. Not that the person is lying if they aren’t a parent, it’s just that there is no possible way to grasp this concept without raising a child.

If you’re not a parent and you love someone unconditionally who ends up cheating on you, selling off all your most prized possessions to support their newly found meth habit, or begins physically assaulting you, you can choose to retract that unconditional love and walk away from said jackass.

When you become a parent this tiny human being rips its way into your life. Not metaphorically, but physically. That should be enough to want to punch that tiny human in the face before you even name them but you don’t because you love them unconditionally.

As the mama you work endlessly to feed this tiny floppy headed human off of your boobs; your poor, poor, defenseless boobs. Let us all have a moment of silence for the horrendous assault on the boobs people. The pain, leaking, pain, frustration, pain, sweating, pain, you get the idea. But there you are pulling out your boobs yet again for another torture session with this human piranha because of the unconditional love.

Sleep. Remember sleep? You can take time to remember sleep while you should be sleeping because it is now a chance occurrence, much like winning a scratch-off lottery ticket. Even if you win $2.00 you’re excited. $2.00 is barely anything, but it’s better than nothing. That is now your life. Sleep is like a $2.00 scratch-off lottery ticket. Nodding off for 10 minutes actually counts as rest. When that little human sends the siren a whaling you just get up because? Unconditional love.

img_2208 Poop. When is it ever okay for another human being’s poop to make contact with your body? Never, that’s when. As a parent, I have come into physical contact with someone else’s poop more times than I can count. But did I walk out the door and never come back? No. Why? Unconditional Love.

Teething. Seriously, how many damn teeth does a kid need and why do they come one at a time? Snot, fevers, temper tantrums, clinginess, and lack of sleep are all magical side effects of a teething munchkin. There is empathy and then there is the point past empathy. The point where you look at this snotty, screaming child clinging to your leg and think, unconditional love, is stopping me from putting a free sign around your neck and leaving you on the curb.

There are so many countless moments beyond these main points that might spark you to say,  I don’t know… murder another adult who bestowed the same pain, agony, or pure rage that a child can provoke; but then there is that unconditional love coming to save the day yet again. It swoops in and saves the day over and over again so that you can stick with the whole parenting thing in order to experience all the other moments that are hilarious, sweet, endearing, and awe-inspiring; the moments that don’t require unconditional love, but effortlessly promote it.

I’m not sure if these words would endorse parenthood or send you running for prophylactics. Now that I’ve spilled the beans about unconditional love perhaps you want nothing to do with it. Then again maybe a little pain and misery laced with the silver lining of unexpected joy and selfless love are just what you’ve been looking for. Either way, I bid you good luck on your journey!