The never ending search of a parent

Every so often as a parent I’m able to stop in the moment and see things from a wider lens. I had a moment just the other day and had the realization that I spend about 70% of my time searching for something.

Maybe the percentage drops as the age of your child goes up, but with a 1 ½ year old I’d say 70% is low-balling it. What am I searching for? Good question!

I’m rifling through the silverware drawer looking for the kiddo spoon, looking throughout the house for where she stowed her milk sippy cup, rummaging through the car in search of her other shoe, digging in the diaper bag for the sunscreen, scrounging around the bottom of the stroller for my keys. Where’s my wallet? Where’s my phone? Have you seen my sunglasses?

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When our kiddo was 4-7 months old I brought her to work with me, which required an incredible amount of stuff. I would get everything and every-body into the car only to realize I’d forgotten the bouncy seat and I’d run back in the house. Once I retrieved the bouncy seat I’d remember I left my lunch in the fridge and I’d run back in, then I’d put the car into drive and jam it back into park when I remembered that I didn’t have my wallet. This scene played out daily and I felt as if I was truly losing my mind.

I once left for a week to instruct a course in a different state and realized upon arrival that I’d forgotten all my hanging clothes in the closet and had to dash to the Goodwill a half hour before closing so that I’d have appropriate clothes to teach in the following morning.

I’m searching I tell ya. I’m searching for my memory, my own time, my clarity of thought, my patience, my day off, and my energy. I’ve found plenty of things too. I found the outside of my comfort zone, the true meaning of sacrifice, I found my threshold, pure and complete dedication, and I found the love and innocence of a human I created with my own body.

I’m sure as time goes on I will continue the never-ending search of a parent but I have a feeling I will be searching for where the time went and the scent of my infant baby; or maybe the endearing feeling of a gentle pat on my back from a 1 year old, perhaps the resonating sound of a toddler laugh. Whatever it may be, i’m certain the search will continue.